Life Laws

obey-this-sign

Below are observations I have made on things you should do, but more importantly not do in life. While technically not laws they should be treated as if they were. If you recognize yourself on this list don’t laugh and say “Oh that’s me” then move on. No. If you recognize yourself in any of these change. Change Immediately.

Never grown a thin chin strap beard if you want to make over 15k a year.

Never live in on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive.

The louder you cheer at a sporting event the less employable you are.

If you post please pray for me, I had a really bad day, or I can’t believe after dating this person for 2 years they dumped me. You must tell us why. Don’t troll us.

When you pee aim for the side of the toilet bowl as to not make a sound.

Don’t post more than 1 picture every four hours on IG.

Never drive with your seat all the way back.

Do all activities in your back yard. Not in the front. Ever.

Don’t have your yard so messy with junk, that it is only missing a yard sale sign in order for you to have a yard sale.

If you get excited for preseason football you make less 25k a year. Oh what’s this you say? You enjoy preseason football and make more than 25k a year. Give yourself a big pat on the back because you my friend are an over achiever.

Don’t have the nicest car in your friendship group or you will have to drive everywhere.

If someone has 10 likes on IG, you must like there photo. That way it gets rid of the usernames and shows up as the number 11.

If you decide to sell you car and post it on FB you must also post the mileage and price. Never post “I am selling my 2001 Toyota Corolla. It is in good shape and runs good. Let me know if you’re interested.” How am I supposed to know if I am interested? If it has 300k miles and you want 18k for it then I’m going to pass. If it has 80k miles and you want 5k for it then I am definitely interested. Mileage and price are crucial details.

Never post on FB that you are looking for something vintage you want to buy if you haven’t checked eBay or ETSY yet.

If you receive a notification from FB of a friends birthday and do not wish them happy birthday. You must then defriend them.

If you post a picture of yourself without makeup on you are not a hero. Don’t act as if you were.

When there is a car crash on the side of the freeway you are allowed to look. However, you are not allowed to go slower than 60 MPH at any point!