Bad

Rules

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A couple nights ago I was playing the game Horse with some friends. Horse is where you shoot different basketball shots, trying to make a shot your friend will miss. When you make a shot and the person you are playing with misses, they get the letter H. Once you spell out the word horse you lose. You can also play pig, which is the same game, just a little shorter. Unclear why they are both animal related. Horses and pigs have exactly zero in common with the game of basketball, but I digress. We were playing with 3 people and one of my friends made a shot. Another friend took the shot and missed. I proceeded to take my own shot, only to get a look of confusion mixed with you are cheating from my friend.

That is what gave me the idea for this post. Everybody seems to have their own rules for how games are played. What we need is a calm/soothing/brilliant voice to establish such rules. Luckily, not only do I know the perfect guy, but we happen to be really close. 90% of all the rules are accurate but there are a couple of rules in each of the following games that people have different rules for. I will be talking about those.

Please keep in mind these rules are not suggestions, they are laws. I have reached out to the FBI to see if they would help enforce these, but have yet to hear back from them. I am however, confident they will respond with an affirmative yes.

I searched my brain for a few other games with different rules and below will be the proper rules to 4 important games. These rules will not only make the games better they will also save friendships in the process.

Horse

Rule 1

The first rule I touched on above is changing the name. It will no longer be horse and pig because those have nothing to do with basketball. It will now be loser and bad. The only good thing pig and horse have going for them is that you get to call people a horse and a pig and have it be acceptable. I want to keep that alive and be able to call people a loser and bad. However, unlike horse and pig, bad and loser have a correlation to the game of basketball.

Rule 2

If somebody gets a letter off of a shot, nobody has to attempt that shot again. You can’t get multiple letters off of one shot.

Rule 3

When you are on your last letter and you miss, you get the following two options.

Option 1 – You can either take the shot again and if you make it you stay alive or if you miss you are a loser.

Option 2 – You can have the person who originally made the shot take it again and if they miss it you are still alive and if they make it you are a loser.

Monopoly

This is not a rule but something that needs to be said. Monopoly is NOT a game of luck. If you had 3 people play 300 games each one would not win 100 of them. The person with the most skill would win 150-200 of them. Monopoly has skill to it and so much so that I have not lost a game of monopoly in 10+years.

Rule 1

If you land on go you DO NOT get $400. Playing where you double the go money if you land on it infuses far too much cash into the game. When there is a ton of cash in the game it takes away a little of the needed skill and turns it more into luck.

Rule 2

When you land on free parking you get nothing. You don’t have to pay anything and you also don’t get to collect anything. Some people put all the money paid into the chance and community cards into the free parking spot so if you land on it, you get it. Again it not only infuses too much cash into the game but when is the last time you parked in a free parking spot and got handed $250?

Rule 3

If for example you own all 4 railroads but need to mortgage one that does not nullify your monopoly. Meaning if you mortgage Reading Railroad and somebody lands on one of the other 3, they still have to pay $200. All mortgaging Reading Railroad does is make it so nobody has to pay you if they land on it.

21

Back to basketball with the game of 21.

Rule 1

If your score is 13 or less and you get tipped, you go back to 0. If your score is 14 or higher and you go get tipped, you go back to 13. You can have 18, get tipped to go back to 13, then get tipped on 13 and go back to 0. I know it sucks, but it is part of the game.

Rule 2

When you are breaking or shooting after a made basket you shoot 3’s. No more free throws, this isn’t the 1950’s. Also once you make 3 in a row you check the ball up and are forced to score with defense again.

Rule 3

We are still playing basketball there are out of bounds rules. If the ball goes out of bounds the person with the lowest score gets the ball the first time. After that it goes in order to the next lowest and so on and so forth until the game is over. Once you go through the first time you have established an order and must keep that order the remainder of the game.

Foosball

Rule 1

I wrote about this last week http://thoughtsatlarge.com/?p=1529. ABSOLUTLY NO SPINNING.

Rule 2

If the ball goes into the goal and then bounces out, it is still a goal. In a real soccer, which this game is based off of, all the ball has to do is cross the white goal line. It then doesn’t matter if somebody kicks the ball out or if it bounces out it is still a goal. Same goes in foosball.

Dreams

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Dreams

I know you are not supposed to talk about yourself if you want a successful blog, but I am going to bend that rule today. I need some help from my reader. You know who you are. What am I supposed to do with my dreams and your dreams? I will explain what I mean by that below.

I want very few things more than being someone who talks for a living whether that be blogging, podcasting, and/or radio. It is my dream. However, my dreams confuse me. I am at the point of my life being 22 years old where I don’t know how to tell if this is something I am meant to do or something I simply want to do.

For example: If you went down to the steel plant and interviewed everyone there and asked “Would you rather work here or be a famous actor?” 99% of people would say “Be a famous actor.” That would sound like a lot more fun to them than being at the steel plant 7-3:30 every day. I feel like I am in the same boat. Being a blogger sounds like a lot more fun than my current job. I can’t tell if the reason I want to blog is because I am called to do it or because it seems like more fun than working at the steel plant? Am I one of the few who has the skill to be a famous talker or I am one of the many who is delirious thinking they have what it takes, but really don’t?

I don’t know you find out the answer to my last questions which is why I am writing this today.

My main point is to ask you guys what you think? If you tell me to stop writing and that I suck, I will appreciate the feedback. Not that I will stop writing because I really like to do it. It will just let me know that I haven’t achieved my goal yet and I still have a lot of work to do. If you tell me I’m good, I will also appreciate that. It will be nice to know that somebody likes what I am doing and it will help encourage me along the way.

Now that I have written all this I think I have made a discovery. I think the way you know is by what you do when someone tells you, you will never make it. Do you quit and give up on it just like that or do you work harder and come back stronger like Michael Jordan in high school?

If you quit your job to go become a famous blogger I would call you stupid and let you know you made a big mistake.

If you keep your job to pay your bills and blog in your free time because it’s your passion then I think you are making a great decision. I think every second on this earth you do what you like to do in a responsible way is time well spent.

Maybe I am crazy. Maybe you are crazy to. What is really crazy though is watching Netflix 4 hours a day and not chasing after your dreams. We can either die having seen House of Cards 4 time through or we can die knowing that we chased after our dreams even if we didn’t reach them.

Chase after your dreams no matter how crazy they are. Unless you are my friend who raps. You need to quit and find a new dream. You are a terrible rapper.

 

A Mile in His Shoes

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A Mile in His Shoes

This movie is about a minor league baseball team who finds a star pitcher with Asperger’s syndrome named Mickey. Not that you could tell by the name of the movie. A Mile in His Shoes sounds like it would be a track movie. A Game in His Mitt would have been a much better title.

For 90 minutes you get to watch the world’s youngest minor league baseball team in the world play. The average age on the team looks like it’s about 17 years old, which has to be against child labor laws. Unless for some reason the creator of the movie thinks you have to be a minor to play in the minors.

The plot of the story is this. Lefty the star pitcher gets jealous of the new kid with Asperger’s because he is taking innings away from him. Lefty’s girlfriend who didn’t look much better than me wearing a wig helps set a trap. The Asperger’s kid is then kidnapped. Eventually the police find out it was Lefty and he is cut from the team. BUT WAIT!!! The championship game is this Friday and Lefty is now on the other team!!! Side note: They probably showed 4 or 5 different games in the movie which seemed to be against the same team spread out over a couple week period. No minor league baseball team in the world plays the same team every other week. Could you not have gotten 9 more extras and made up one more team?? Back to the “plot”. It is the bottom of the 9th and Lefty is up to bat. The only problem with this scene is that Lefty is batting from the right side of the plate. Why is his name lefty if he bat’s right?!?! Very confusing to say the least. Believe it or now Lefty strikes out to lose the game and Mickey is the big hero! Didn’t see that coming.

Note to the director/producer and anyone else who worked on the movie. HIRE ME. I will tell you all the problems with your movie before you finish it. That way we can do some reshoots before the film is locked. How can you make a movie where the 2nd most important character is named Lefty, but bats right? This movie loses all credibly in that scene alone.

I have never acted a day in my life. Except for acting that I like my coworkers. Nothing besides that. I would have been the best actor in the movie. I don’t say that to brag either. That is an insult. I am not sure any of the other actors in the movie had ever seen a baseball. They would throw a pitch that by the form they used wouldn’t have gone faster than 40mph only to have the director smash cut to the catcher who is shaking his hand after catching it. You are allowed to have people in your movie who can’t play baseball if they can act. When you have neither like you did it makes it really tough.

When you film the sequel Two Miles in His Shoes let me know. I will gladly VOLUNTEER my acting skills, my baseball knowledge, and my hypervigilance to help out.

Rating

Netflix has this at 4/5 stars and the genre of drama/sports. Unclear how it got that many stars unless it had a really good game of Mario Party.

If we leave it in drama/sports genre I would give it a 1/5 stars.

If we move it over to the comedy department I would bump the rating up the 2.5/5 stars. It is pretty funny even if it was unintentional.

Summary

If you’re bored here is the order of things I would do. 1. Watch your neighbor mow his yard. 2. Watch this movie. 3. Watch paint dry.

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