How to Order at Restaurants


Unless you are on the Dave Ramsey super plan, you eat out pretty regularly. After all, is there anything that much better than going out to eat with friends on a Friday night? To answer my own question. No, not really. The only thing that can ruin it, is you. You are going to a new restaurant and aren’t sure what to order. Thank goodness you have me. I am here to help you maneuver the ordering process with ease. I don’t normally compare myself to super heroes but let me say this. Batman saves people in a made up city with made up people. I save people in the real world with real people. You tell me who is the bigger hero?

Order the Mac and Cheese

Always, always, always, order the mac & cheese, but only if it falls between the $7-$15 price range. The reason being is that under $7 you get in the Kraft price range. Over $15 and you get there take on mac & cheese. There will be noodles and cheese, but they will ruin it trying to make it to fancy. People tend to overlook the mac & cheese and think it’s for kids, but they are wrong. A good mac & cheese will be the best thing you eat all week.

Wood Fired Pizza Oven

I have talked before about how I work with crazy people, but here is another story to really drive home that point. One road trip we were on we went to a restaurant with a wood fired pizza oven. My coworkers proceeded to order a piece of fish and the other one ordered a plate of spaghetti. Nothing wrong with either normally, but when you are at a place with a wood fired pizza oven. YOU ORDER PIZZA! I proceeded to eat one of the best pizzas of my life, while they ate the same meal you could get at any ordinary Applebee’s.

The next year we went back and my coworkers learned from me and ordered pizza this time. In order to one up them again I got wood fired jojo’s. When I say jojo’s a lot of people think about the soggy ones you find at Safeway. Those give jojo’s a bad name. Wood fired jojo’s may as well be a completely different food.

The Right Way

Nothing is better is than mac & cheese and good pizza. However, some restaurants don’t seem to understand that and attempt to put their own flavor on an already good item. Pizza is pizza. It is cow cheese, meat, and a thin crust. That is all you need for good pizza. There is nothing to fix. Pizza is delicious. When a restaurant says “well we do are pizza with goat cheese, a super thick crust, and whole tomatoes slices”, stay away! They are attempting to fix pizza, but like I already mentioned, IT DOESN’T’ NEED FIXED! If you want to fix cauliflower and Brussel sprouts so they become edible, then feel free! But leave my pizza alone!

Cater Your Order to the Restaurant

The definition of stupidity is going to a seafood restaurant and ordering a hamburger. It’s true. You can look it up in the Derriam-Webster dictionary. You don’t go to Texas to order seafood. They may have it on the menu, but you go to Texas for BBQ. If someone specializes in car repair, you don’t also expect them to specialize in tree removal. Let the mechanic fix the cars and the let the tree service remove the trees. If you are at a great breakfast place don’t order a dinner item! You order breakfast. Cater your order to the specialty of the restaurant. When in Rome does as the Romans do…

Never Sleep on the Mozzarella Sticks

I’ll keep this brief. Mozzarella sticks are the Jack Sikma of appetizers. Way underrated and worthy of ordering almost every time you go out. Ordering Mozzarella sticks separate the haves and the have nots. The haves, now have mozzarella sticks to enjoy and the have nots, don’t.

Special Sauce

Not an order I know, but still very important. If the restaurant you are at does their own special sauce for burgers and fries, you have to order it. If ketchup is a Ford Taurus the special sauce is a BMW 5 series.

Big Mac Mile


McDonalds to Come out with Big Mac Mile Campaign

—Breaking news this morning out of Oak Brook, IL as McDonalds announces a brand new campaign. In a hope to promote exercise as well as McDonald’s food they announced the Big Mac Mile. For those who haven’t heard it will be the same format as the beer mile. Participants will run a mile stopping every lap to eat a Big Mac.

Ronald was nice enough to accept are interview request and said this “I was recently hanging out with Michelle Obama at the White House. As you all know she is big into promoting a healthy and active lifestyle. For many that seems like it would exclude our food. That is when I had my come to Jesus moment. What if we combined the two? I pitched it Mrs. Obama and she got so excited she took off on a run. When she got back 45 minutes later we ironed out some of the details and are proud to say the first event will take place next month. This upcoming October on the 18th at 2pm at the University of Washington track we will have the first race. We are also excited to announce that celebrity Morgan Spurlock who some of you may know from the documentary Supersize Me will be there in attendance.”

With a $10 signup fee the race is expected to fill up quickly. Big Mac’s will not be provided so make sure you stop and get four of them a couple days before the race.

They also hope to gather footage from this inaugural event and use it in a mass marketing campaign. If you ever wanted your 5 seconds of fame you may never get a better opportunity in your life.    

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