Free Ride


Bernie Sander’s to Give Everyone Free Cars

—This morning on, Bernie published a new idea he hopes will help boost his approval rating. In the post titled “Free Ride”, Bernie released a plan saying that for as little as a cup of coffee every 90 seconds being taken from your paycheck, everyone in America can have a free car. He didn’t just stop there though. He clarified his remarks by saying “I don’t mean a crappy car either. I mean a car that is no more than 2 years old.” For those worried they might get a 1990 Toyota Tercel that is sure to help put your nerves at ease.

We were able to catch up with Bernie and asked him who would be paying for gas, repairs, and car insurance? He replied “Free! It’s all free. I don’t think the American people realize that for the price of a $5 foot long every 8 minutes, we can provide everything needed to keep the free cars on the road.” He didn’t stop there. Bernie added “I want you to drive your new car to the ampm and fill up on gas for free. I then want you to go inside and get a free Slurpee. But wait. Grab a corn dog as well! GRAB ANYTHING YOU WANT FOR FREE!” He was then heard yelling “FEEL THE BERN!!!!” as he quickly left are offices without giving us the opportunity to ask any follow up questions.

One thing is for sure; this will have republicans everywhere fired up.


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