The above picture of an Instagram post says “Epic 10k run for the @ultimatehawaiiantrailrun. I suggest everybody who didn’t get a chance to do it this year sign up next year. We were able to raise enough money to support local kids of Kauai to do CrossFit free of charge for the next two years…amazing.”
I was scrolling the random picture part of IG last night when I saw this. I am big on running and I clicked on it to find out what it was about. That was when I saw it was a fundraiser so kids can do CrossFit…
About 3 years ago I got invited to a charity by a friend who was helping put the event on. It sounded fun to me and I said I would go. Only when I got there did I realize the charity was to raise money for disabled kids so they could sail.
First off, sailing is a luxury item. I don’t know one person who has ever sailed before mainly because of the cost associated. I would put sailing in the helicopter ride department. Yes they exist. Nobody I know has ever done it.
Secondly, this may make me sound like a horrible human being but I don’t want disabled kids to be able to sail. I want them with clothes, food, a great family, and a roof over their heads. But they don’t need to sail. I am perfectly able and still can’t sail. Life isn’t always fair.
Thirdly, last I checked hunger, cancer, and orphans still exist. Once we get those taken care of then maybe just maybe we can move onto disabled kids sailing.
That brings me to the fundraiser for kids who can’t afford CrossFit. Good news and bad news here. Good news. You can do Fran with us today. Bad news. You may die from malnutrition. We are getting really close to having a fundraiser for a fundraiser. What cause are we supporting tonight? We are supporting a fundraiser who is supporting a fundraiser who is supporting disabled kids doing CrossFit. I might have gotten my stories mixed up but you get the point.
I might even put doing CrossFit below sailing. At least sailing has been around for a while. CrossFit only got invented 10 minutes ago. If we want to have a CrossFit fundraiser for kids. It shouldn’t be to pay for their memberships. It should be to pay there deductible when they get injured. Queue the hate mail from the insane CrossFit community who swears nobody has ever gotten injured as half the gym does a modified WOD due to injury. Stop writing me hate mail and get back on your foam roller!!
I love the thought and energy that we want to help someone and put on an event. I would just like to make sure kids aren’t starving to death before we get them access to a pull-up bar. Call me old fashioned.
I would rather donate money to “Michael Scott’s Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure” before sailing and CrossFit.
Can you imagine someone asking you what charity you support and having to reply “Kids for CrossFit?” That sounds like a bad article on The Onion.
It did inspire me though to launch my own charity which will be starting up next week. Raising Money to Raise Professional Athletes Children. RMRPAC for short. I have a dream that one day all of Antonio Cromartie’s kids will be fully sponsored through the program. All ten of them.
If you think that charity shouldn’t exist, I leave you with this…
McDonalds to Come out with Big Mac Mile Campaign
—Breaking news this morning out of Oak Brook, IL as McDonalds announces a brand new campaign. In a hope to promote exercise as well as McDonald’s food they announced the Big Mac Mile. For those who haven’t heard it will be the same format as the beer mile. Participants will run a mile stopping every lap to eat a Big Mac.
Ronald was nice enough to accept are interview request and said this “I was recently hanging out with Michelle Obama at the White House. As you all know she is big into promoting a healthy and active lifestyle. For many that seems like it would exclude our food. That is when I had my come to Jesus moment. What if we combined the two? I pitched it Mrs. Obama and she got so excited she took off on a run. When she got back 45 minutes later we ironed out some of the details and are proud to say the first event will take place next month. This upcoming October on the 18th at 2pm at the University of Washington track we will have the first race. We are also excited to announce that celebrity Morgan Spurlock who some of you may know from the documentary Supersize Me will be there in attendance.”
With a $10 signup fee the race is expected to fill up quickly. Big Mac’s will not be provided so make sure you stop and get four of them a couple days before the race.
They also hope to gather footage from this inaugural event and use it in a mass marketing campaign. If you ever wanted your 5 seconds of fame you may never get a better opportunity in your life.
If you are interested in signing up, more information can be found at www.bigmacmilecampaignwithmorganspurlockapprovedmymichelleobama.com